It’s usually the women in a relationship who are really eager to tie the knot. Often, men couldn’t care less if they actually have a wedding. If you’ve been waiting for a ring for a little too long, you may need to take a look at your relationship.

How Do I Know How Long to Wait?

First off, getting married is a big step. With divorce rates sky-rocketing, it’s not a bad idea to make sure you’re really ready to take this step. It’s a really big commitment to tell someone you want to spend the rest of your life with them. With modern medicine, people are living well over 80 these days. Be sure you want to spend that much time with them!

Before you start getting antsy about getting a ring on that finger, here are some questions you may want to ask yourself.

Why Do You Want to Get Married?

If your answer to this is because you want a fairytale wedding, I’m sorry – but I wouldn’t pop the question yet either. I know that most girls have been fantasizing about their dream wedding since they first watched Cinderella, but you need to have a better reason than that to get married. If you believe in the symbolism that marriage represents, or you want to have kids and you want to have the same name, those are better reasons. An expensive wedding is not a good reason.

Why Is He Hesitant to Get Married?

Have you talked to him about why he is hesitant? Maybe the idea of a huge wedding and all those expenses throws him off. If you really want to get married for the sake of being married, then down-size your dream wedding, and make it less formal. Maybe he thinks marriage automatically means kids and he’s not ready. Have you talked about these things? You need to understand him, and be accommodating to his needs too.

What Would Happen if you Didn’t Get Married?

What if you *gasp* didn’t ever get married? Would that really change your relationship? The only difference between a married couple and a non-married couple is a piece of paper and a ring. Ask yourself why those two things are so important to you. Would it make your relationship stronger? If you want kids, but it is important to be married first, that’s a valid point. But having kids is a whole separate subject.

How Long Has it Been?

How long has it really been? Look at why you’re so eager to get married. Are all your friends getting married? Are you the last single one? If those are your reasons, don’t expect a ring anytime soon. Putting a timeframe on when people should get married is tough to do. Every relationship is different. Only you will know how long is too long.